Inappropriate Jokes

  • Why does the bride always wear white? Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
  • If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow
  • How do you annoy your girlfriend during s3x? Call her.
  • Why do women fake it? Because they think men care.
  • What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
  • What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she’s been told twice already.
  • How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
  • If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long.
  • How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!
  • What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
  • What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman
  • Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
  • How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
  • What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it.
  • How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
  • What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks.
  • What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
  • Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where they went.
  • How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nip on it.
  • Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? ’cause it doesn’t need cleaning yet.

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